Kate Bush: the grout between our tiles.

Kate Bush. I love her. You love her. Everybody loves her. I'm not even particularly a fan - never having bought an album, and owning just two of her singles - but even I can see she's a good thing, And - like Stone Henge, Blackpool Rock and the White Horse of Uffington - an English icon. Who better therefore to be the musician who gives England its National Anthem?

That's right. Lest we forget, England doesn't have a National Anthem. It merely borrows God Save the Queen, which is the UK's National Anthem. Every so often, someone in the public eye notices this and calls for us to rectify the situation, followed by the usual clamour for various songs to do the job.

Usually these songs combine bombast, nationalism, triumphalism, tunelessness, self-delusion and brainlessness in equal measure, to a degree that makes the heart sink. Therefore, to head the lot of them off at the pass, I've decided to call for Kate Bush's Oh England, My Lionheart to get the job. At the bottom of this post, you'll find a link to a government e-petition I've created. As I'm sure you know, thanks to the way government e-petitions work, 100,000 signatures are enough to get a matter debated and voted on in parliament.

Why am I doing this?

Because I like the song.

Not only that but, unlike most contenders put forward for the job, it manages to evoke a love of England without resorting to nationalism, bigotry, triumphalism shoutiness and xenophobia.

Some people might say, "Who Cares?" And it's true that this isn't a matter of life and death. If Oh England, My Lionheart does become the National Anthem, the dead won't rise from their graves, the lame won't suddenly throw away their wheelchairs and Cathy'll still be stood at Heathcliff's window complaining she can't get in. If only she'd thought to bring a house brick with her but that's the ghosts of Gothic heroines for you. They're rarely the most practical of creatures.

However, in the same way that cleaning the grouting between your bathroom tiles doesn't cure your ills but always makes you feel better, I can't help suspecting that a bit of Kate Bush before any national event'll improve the quality of all our lives just that little bit.

So, if you're a fan of Kate Bush or a hater of God Save the Queen, if you don't want the usual suspects to be adopted as English National Anthem, or you'd just like a good song to get the job, please sign the petition and make an old duffer very happy.

The petition can be signed at the following address:
http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/12159

Thank you for your time. It's much appreciated.